Something I Learned

This may be hard for young people to believe but…in the long run…looks don’t matter. Oh yes, when young, the boys are attracted to the cutest girls and the girls like the best-looking boys. Surprise: when you are mature, those attractions that pulled you like a magnet don’t have the same strength anymore, nor the same value.

So what are the attractions to one another or to friends when one becomes older? I am not referring to romantic relationships but rather relationships in general. People seem to be attracted to genuine folks, those who are honest in their actions, i.e., “I am going to call you.” And the person calls. “I’ll send you the article.” And you receive the article in the mail. Those earnest responses win votes and are remembered.

Also, a caring attitude always attracts attention. A friend tells me, “I know the child acts the way he does because of his home life.” I listen carefully and note my friend is not judgmental and really cares for her student. (I imagine deep in my heart I know that friend cares for me, too.)

Rational thinking and reasonable behavior results in admiration. “I need to think about that before making a decision. I want to do what is right.” The action that follows indicates good judgment. The listener or observer makes a mental note and it is positive.

As our teachers and parents told us: "Beauty is skin deep." They were right after all.

How do you pick your friends? And why did your friends pick you?

Soul Mate

People and researchers have pondered over the question: Why does a human fall in love with a particular person and not with another? What is or what are the elements that cause an individual to seek the love and attention of a particular individual?

Is it commonalities? Perhaps they have the same interests. They like the same things, sports, fishing, traveling? Is the commonality the link that catches them and holds them together?

Does a person become attracted to another who reminds him of a person in his family? Some folks have stated that. Is an individual looking for someone who will fill a need? And if three folks can fill that need, why does he or she choose the one person?

Recently I found what I consider a valid answer. I read the following statement: I liked the way he made me feel about myself. That is it, I told myself. I had never read that before. We need to think about our own experiences. Did the person you fell in love with make you feel you were worthy, smart, beautiful or handsome, happy, caring, sweet, thoughtful…? Did that person make you experience the suggestion that you could even accomplish more in the future? Did you feel hope?

Did you finally feel that someone knew the real you? And you understood that person ever so well, also. If so, you reached the “soul mate’ level, a unique understanding of one another. Congratulations.